I sat there, holding Mama’s hand. She looked so peaceful and beautiful.
It was the early hours of the morning. The sun was coming up as I looked out the window. The room was quiet. The curtains around Mama’s bed were drawn, giving us privacy. The staff was quietly working and preparing the dining room for breakfast. It would be some time before breakfast.
Mama looked so peaceful. She was debilitated by two strokes for some time, unable to walk or stand on her own feet. She had had multiple life-threatening episodes. Somehow, she had accepted her new routine, and for the most part, she was content with life. The staff knew about the little things that mattered to her. Many of them genuinely cared for her. They cared about all the residents. I suppose you can’t work in a nursing home if you don’t possess some level of compassion for the elderly and the disabled.
Mama couldn’t go to the dining room anymore. She was more comfortable in her bed in the later months. She used to love to sit in the sun on the balcony before. But that too had come to pass.
Mama had been through a lot, physically. With dementia, she wasn’t able to explain things much anymore. Her body was slowly shutting down. But somehow she hung on. Perhaps, not knowing what was to come kept her from willingly crossing to the other side. But being mortal, her body finally gave up.
I sat there quietly with tears rolling down my face, remembering Mama as I grew up. I remembered how she looked after me. The tall and formidable woman I once knew looked small and so frail now. Mama passed away this morning around 3:00 am. And now she was gone. I sat there in shock.
She was free of pain and the imprisonment of her fragile body.
It wasn’t the first time I had lost a loved one. And it never gets any easier. But you start seeing life from a different lens. The brutality of a mortal life asserts itself shamelessly.
Life is FINITE
For most people who haven’t witnessed the death of a loved one first hand, death is just a theoretical event. They haven’t experienced death personally yet, and death seems very far away into the future, not requiring a worry.
- Life seems long, with plenty of time for everything.
- Plenty of time to earn and to spend,
- Plenty of time to quarrel and to be angry,
- Plenty of time to delay forgiveness and to mend relationships,
- Plenty of time to hesitate expressing gratitude to your loved ones.
But for those who’ve seen the death of a loved one first hand, it’s a quite sobering phenomenal. The people you love are gone…
Life is truly FINITE.
I left Mama’s room walking around talking to the staff who were trying to respect our privacy, but I was aware that there was a lot that had to be taken care of. I was walking around talking to folks, but my legs didn’t feel like they were touching the floor. I was still mentally conversing with Mama. Her spirit had joined the eternal universe of life.
I looked around and saw a few residents wheeling themselves in the hallways. Nobody had heard about Mama’s passing yet. Thanks to the staff for being so discreet. Though, the residents who knew me were wondering what I was doing there so early in the morning.
The dining room was set beautifully with burgundy color table cloths and little white flowers in small vases. Not all the tables had chairs as the residents would come with their wheelchairs. There were some chairs scattered around the room for the facility aides to help residents unable to eat by themselves. There was a surreal sense of calmness before the buzz of activities. Mama would not be having breakfast today : (
As I left the nursing home to continue with the arrangements, I thought to myself; life is all about seasons. Mama will not see the changes in seasons anymore. She’s not going to see the leaves of the maple tree in the front yard to turn yellow and fall this coming fall.
Mama now resides in my memories, and her spirit is part of the vastness of our universe. Although I won’t see her on this earth again, I’m hoping, and believing that her spirit continues to live on. Perhaps she will visit me in my dreams and look down on her family from time to time, keeping watch.
We’re all born, grow up, live our lives, struggle some, experience some, and die someday. Life is truly FINITE. So very much.
A precious memory is all that we leave behind — hopefully, a good memory.
Live a More Mindful Life
How does this brutal fact of finite life can help us today to live a more meaningful life?
- Every day, remind yourself that life is finite. You have a limited number of days walking this earth.
- Live mindfully every day of your life,
- Love more deeply,
- Give and forgive,
- Express your gratitude to the positive people in your life while you can,
- Let others know you appreciate them before they’re gone.
I rest today, knowing I did everything in my power to help Mama. I loved her and listened to her. And looked after her and advocated for her while in a caring facility.
Today, I think of her place in my life and thank her for raising me. I live in peace with the good memories and the not so good. Knowing we’re all mortal and imperfect beings.
Let us try, every single day, to leave this earth a better place than we found it for those who come after us.