Managing Expectations, The Key For Improving Your Mindset
This one shift in your mindset will make you happier
No more heartbreaks, no more disappointments, and no more quarrels.
Make room for joy.
Yes, life is tough. And life is not fair. So much happening all around us every day.
The first step toward personal enlightenment is to see the world as is. Accept the harsh truths.
There’s a lot that we can’t control. And most importantly, we can’t control other people.
Let’s start by examining what we can control. We can control our thoughts and expectations. What do we think of other people’s role in our lives? Our parents, partner, children, friends, and our bosses. What kind of expectations do we have of them?
Having out-of-line expectations will really mess up with our daily peace of mind and happiness.
Going by the premise that somehow others owe us, will put any of us in a resenting posture. Such resentment attitude will, in time deter even the most patient of people. Who wants to put up with that kind of attitude.
Though it’s easy to fall into this trap. Thinking in our mind, building up expectations without sharing them with anyone.
Stop Expecting Them
No one HAS TO do anything for you. Even your partner or children.
How others should know what our needs are, if not clearly expressed. No one can read minds, after all. Especially when it comes to the closest people to us whose lives are intertwined with our own.
There are always logical conclusions on our part: My parents owe me because they brought me into this world… My partner should understand me without me having to tell them… If only my boss gave me the promotion, I deserve…
All from our own subjective point of view. All in our own head.
The fact is no one owes us anything unless we clearly communicate our expectations.
Lack of communicating our expectations can get in the middle of any relationship. Parent and child relationship. Work relationship. Romantic relationship.
Again, it all comes down to expectations.
The following strategies can help manage our mindset.
The first strategy, we accept the world as is and use an active coping strategy that shields us from mental self-harm.
Strategy #1: Have No Expectations Of Others
Why do we get disappointed? Someone somewhere didn’t do something we expected.
The keyword here is “expectation.”
Let’s examine this with logic.
How is someone supposed to know what you expected of them? If they picked up the cues and understood your non-verbal cues, you’re very fortunate to have that person in your life. But frankly, that’s not very common, and you’ll disappoint yourself almost every time.
A Happier Mindset
I’ve come to learn that not having expectations from others has helped me maintain a happier mindset. This has worked in certain situations where I wasn’t able to influence the other person. Due to whatever reasons, their inability to see the logic, their own expectations, or their personal selfish goals.
Yes, it’s nice when people in your life are considerate and show their love and caring with loving gestures. But it’s because they want to do those beautiful things for you. Not because they’re required.
If you choose this strategy, you can proceed with your day without any expectations, leading a somewhat peaceful day.
No expectations, no heartache.
The second strategy is an entirely different one. Here you make the other person aware of your wishes. This strategy involves more work, but I’ve come to find it a healthy option for me.
Strategy #2: Communicate Your Expectations Clearly
In this strategy, you don’t assume your expectations will be understood by some non-verbal cues. You don’t take that chance.
Here, we take an active role to influence the world and the people around us. We don’t wait for things to work out on their own. We actively advocate shaping our relationships…
The Timing is essential
You make aware your expectations in advance, giving the other person time for cooperation.
This can be somewhat uncomfortable at first, but with time the people around you will grow to appreciate it and even expect it from you. Clear communicates is a win-win for both sides, in most cases.
As I mentioned earlier, no one can read our mind. So it’s your responsibility to communicate your expectations in advance.
If you feel you deserve that work promotion because of your hard work and contribution, you should communicate those expectations with your boss at the beginning of the process, not at the end. Those peer review meetings are where you discuss your future goals and expectations.
Remember, this always has to be two-way communication.
A couple of things happen when we clearly communicate our expectations.
First, we can actually get feedback on whether our expectations are in line with our environment.
For example, in a work environment, there’s a better chance of cooperation if your personal goals are aligned with your boss’s goals. You’ll be the dream employee and get whatever you want at work if you help your boss to achieve their goals. You become irreplaceable.
Give The Opportunity
Second, the other person is made aware of the expectations and has a chance to either validate or reject them. And since we can’t control other people, it’s only fair to raise their awareness and allow them to work with us toward the joint goal. Isn’t it better to know if your objectives are in line with your boss before you put it all that work?
This scenario also works with other people in our lives, our parents, partner, children, and friends.
You Always Have A Choice
I can vividly remember several times that I contemplated leaving a job. But instead, I found the courage to let my supervisors know of my unhappiness. I admit those are some uncomfortable moments. But I was able to continue my employment because of:
- I clearly communicated the problems with the management
- Almost all of my supervisors were appreciative of my feedback, and they took steps to correct the issues
- And when we couldn’t reach a resolution, I knew it was time for me to move on.
Final Thoughts,
You can get back some control of your life.
The first strategy, you have no expectations of others.
The second strategy, you communicate your expectations.
There’s nothing in between.
If you choose to build your mindset where you don’t have any expectations, you can live a peaceful life. You’ll be surprised when any of those expectations come to fruition. Either by someone’s intuitive instinct or by pure luck. Like the icing on the cake, you didn’t expect it, and you were pleasantly surprised.
On the other hand, if you choose to communicate your expectations, you’ve got some work ahead of you. But work well worth the effort.
You can have a happier life by having influence through communication and logic. This strategy provides a healthy environment for YOU and those around you. And it does wonders for the closest people to you, your family and friends.
Life can be fulfilling when you work toward a goal with the help of those engaged in your life.
Whichever path you choose, it has to be a conscious decision.
You may choose one strategy for one situation and the other for an entirely different setting.
By managing your expectations, you’ll grow to appreciate those around you more than ever before.
And remember, your awareness and your choices make your life what is.
Thanks for reading!