The Key To Your Daily Tranquility
The Stoic Methods dealing With An Insult
We are social creatures.
Humans have been known to live in groups since the cavemen days, as early as 500,000 years ago.
We like to be around people and work with people.
Though, whether we like to admit it or not, as we go about our day, we’re bound to deal with insults as we interact with other people.
Insults can really ruin one’s day if we let them.
The best insults come from people close to us; our friends, our relatives, and our coworkers because they know us to some degree.
Such offensive remarks may be intentionally by someone who’s trying to ruin our day.
It’s also possible, the insulter was upset about something entirely different, and they just decided to take their anger on someone else. And you happened to be on their unpleasant path.
Marcus Aurelius and Seneca, the Roman Stoic philosophers, advise us on tranquility of mind. They realized that tranquility is only possible in solitude, but solitude is not a practical way of life. As social beings, we come to interact with others daily.
They also believed in the necessity of our social duty to our communities.
As a result, the Stoics spent time developing techniques people could use to prevent them from getting upset by insults.
Types of Insults
Insults Can Range From a Mere Glance to Physical Insults.
Insult By Omission
In this type of insult, the insulter ignores you on purpose. They don’t greet you when you’re obviously in their presence. Or they’re inhospitable by not including you in their conversation and/or offering you refreshments.
Physical Insult
When someone actually takes a physical action against your person, like slapping.
Verbal Insult
The most common modern-day insults fall in this category. The insulter calls you names, talks behind your back or spreads false rumors about you.
You may encounter this type of insult at the workplace.
A lot of times, verbal insult is delivered in your presence, right in your face.
. . .
Any of the above insults can ruin our day as we tend to be pretty sensitive to insults.
Insults are typically rooted in deep emotional issues such as competition and envy.
Even when they’re nonphysical, insults can make a profound impact on us, lasting in our memories for a very long time. Perhaps, you’ll remember an insult far longer than many pleasant conversations you might’ve had with someone.
Nowadays, living in modern-day societies, insults can be delivered in quite sophisticated ways.
Sometimes even a congratulatory comment can have a hint of insult.
With the more sophisticated insult, it could take us a few seconds to GET the message.
This can happen to anyone. It has happened to me a few times.
I’ll be having a conversation with someone, then out of nowhere, BOOM, an insult gets launched.
Totally caught off-guard, I remain speechless to respond. Because responding to an insult was nowhere in my train of thoughts.
But the insulter, most likely, had an agenda in which they used the opportunity to fire one at me.
Now granted, maybe the person didn’t mean it, or they had problems of their own, but nonetheless, I ended up on the receiving end.
Of course, hours later, I get over the initial shock after I had some time to think. I come up with an amusing response which by the way it’s too late to deliver.
It’s a funny thing in retrospect.
But, it still stings.
What Don’t We Do Right Then
Why don’t we have a great comeback when we receive the insult? Obviously, because we were not prepared for it.
We’re caught off-guard, and we’re at a loss as to what to do. We’re not trained to pause, gather our thoughts, and come up with something witty to say in response right there.
. . .
What Can We Do When Faced With An Insult
Because getting angry disturbs one’s tranquility, the Stoics developed techniques dealing with insults to preserve their own tranquility.
Even in ancient Rome, insults were very common.
The following techniques can help us avoid GETTING ANGRY when subjected to such abuse.
Technique #1, Pause and Think
When insulted, take a pause to think. Analyze the context of the insult. Is it true?
If it’s true, then why argue with what’s obvious. If it’s not true, why argue with something that’s not true.
The Stoics use a logical process for evaluating the insult. In this case, the Stoics do not recommend a response.
Technique #2, Is it a misunderstanding?
Epictetus, the Greek Stoic philosopher, offered another strategy.
Let’s examine:
- Are the comments inaccurate,
- Are the comments based on their misunderstanding without the intention of insult?
If yes, in this situation, make an effort to correct their assumptions and understanding. They likely didn’t mean the insult.
Technique #3, The Best Response To Insults Is No Response
Seneca shared this strategy as a logical way of dealing with nonsense. It sounds counter-intuitive but effective. Let’s examine this:
We make no response after the insult is delivered in our presence.
If we don’t respond, the insulter is left confused, wondering whether we GOT the insult or the insult wasn’t worthy of our response.
In either case, it sends a message the insulter didn’t succeed at stinging us.
They’ll likely won’t be insulting us again as this exchange did not produce the outcome they were seeking.
They were, perhaps, trying to draw the attention of importance to themselves.
Technique #4, Consider The Source Of The Insult
If the insult comes from someone we don’t respect, it shouldn’t bother us. No matter what they say.
If the behavior of the insulter appears irrational and childish, then also, there is no reason to respond.
When people with flawed character insult us, says Marcus Aurelius, they deserve our pity rather than our anger.
Technique #5, We decide The Insult Is NOT a Source Of a Sting
It is our judgment of taking offense that gives power to the insult.
If we don’t allow ourselves to get upset about the insult, the insulter has not succeeded. We conclude that the insult couldn’t hurt us.
The insulter succeeds only when they succeed upsetting us.
Technique #6, Use Humor To Defuse Insult
In this strategy, we use humor to respond to an insult.
The insulter delivers the insult in the presence of others, implying they know us so well. We respond by declaring the insult would’ve been more powerful if they had included more significant facts. Facts that would improve the quality of the insult and would make the insult more accurate.
This is known as self-deprecating humor.
This questions the competence of the insulter and hence, changing the focus of the conversation.
For example, if you hear someone has been spreading bad rumors about you, Epictetus suggests avoiding feeling defensive. Instead, point out all the worst things that the insulter failed to include in the tales. Such self-deprecating humor disqualifies the insulter as an expert on the subject. Therefore, dismissing their argument.
And also, when we take the posture of making fun of ourselves, we change the dynamics of the conversation putting everyone around us at ease.
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Final Thoughts
In a lot of cases, insulters will continue the behavior, and in some environments such as the workplace, such actions can become a daily source of disturbance to one’s well-being.
With practice, you can achieve a state where insults do not make a lasting impression on you.
You can avoid getting angry over insults.
Consider experimenting with how to handle an insult. Your awareness will help you identify the abuses more quickly. And you’ll be able to come up with a rational and practical response.
You’ll be able to calculate a decision right when the insult is delivered. Maybe give a response, possibly choose silence, and be able to move on with your day without getting angry.
Hence, continue your day and your tranquility.
That is the goal.
Hope you find this perspective of value!