To Help Your Teenager Fly, You Have To Let Them Stumble
Do you remember yourself as a teenager? The self-doubts. The insecurities. The fear of the unknown future.
Parenting a teenager is a difficult job. With the modern-day busy lives, life can be overwhelming for a teenager if they don’t have proper guidance in understanding their new-found challenges.
They may feel the pressure of choosing a path, preparing for college, learning a vocation, or struggle to understand the financial side of life. It’s paramount that we proactively engage our teenagers in conversations about their daily challenges.
The mental and emotional maturity of teenagers can vary too. Some teenagers can show substantial maturity in early adolescent age, knowing what they want to become. Whereas other teenagers will need a lot of parental coaching and guidance.
As a parent, it can be overwhelming for you too. However, this shouldn’t make you feel helpless. You CAN help your teenager start their adult life on a solid foothold.
We can go on talking about so many different things you can do to help your teenager. But I believe there is one gift you can give your child that will make the most impact on their life.
Give them the gift of your time and your wisdom.
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Make Yourself Available For Them
The pressures of today’s society on younger adults is very different than the previous generations. Today’s teenagers often feel more significant social unrest with the more prevalent use of the internet and social media.
It’s become harder for vulnerable teenagers to cope with associated difficulties in today’s online and offline social interactions. Hence, they need more help from their parents, even if they don’t recognize the need.
No matter how uncomfortable the topic of conversations may make you, make your teenager feel welcome to share their thoughts with you daily.
In the meantime, prepare yourself for a messy process. It can be tough for a teenager to verbalize their difficulties. This will get easier with time and on-going dialog after they learn they can trust you with share their inner thoughts.
They need your help. Therefore, make time for one-on-one conversations with them every day.
Let them know you’re interested in their well-being. You’re there to help. Sympathize with their daily struggles. Assure them it’s okay to feel anxious and help them work through their anxieties by sharing strategies to cope.
Your effort in spending loving and caring time with your teenager will have a significant impact on the person they’ll become. Yes, this means talking to them a lot. Talking to them at every chance you get.
The talks can simply be conversations revolving around, sharing your insights when your teenager considers a particular situation. The discussions can be woven in the daily chats, in the car on the way to the doctor’s appointment, while grocery shopping, making dinner, or post-dinner conversations.
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Help Them Think For Themselves and Stumble While in the Safety of Your Care
It can be painful watching your kids make mistakes. Their decision-making process will be messy. They won’t know how to arrive at a well-thought-out decision, at the beginning. But, with their practice and your patience, they’ll get there.
Talk to your teenager about the process of thinking. Though, let them figure out the solution. Ask them how they would approach the situation. Help them consider the steps they can take. But, don’t spell it out for them.
Then, give them the time and space they need to figure out a solution.
Just like when they stood up to take their 1st step as a baby, you had to let them do it on their own, balance themselves, move their feet, and take a step.
That means you can’t jump in and fix their mistakes. This sends a wrong message, giving them a feeling of helplessness and being incapable of handling a problem by themselves.
Instead, let them come up with a solution, run it by you, and allow them to put the answer in place one step at a time. This will help them build self-confidence. It will assure them they’re learning and making progress, and they can think for themselves.
If they have to correct a mistake, don’t do it for them. For instance, let them apologize when offending someone or righting a wrong; they should be the ones to do it.
In the meantime, assure them you won’t judge them. Share the mistakes you’ve made and the lessons you’ve learned. Let them see your vulnerable human side.
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Let Them Know of Their Strengths
Parenting can sometimes be a thankless job. However, we need to be watchful of our words and our actions.
The unrealistic expectations and disappointments can sometimes lead parents down a different path, away from recognition and reward of good behavior.
You know your kids better than anyone. You watched them grow up, choose their toys, and interact with others. You knew what they liked even before they knew for themselves. You saw the artist, the architect, or the doctor in them before they did.
In your daily interactions, talk about their hobbies and interests. Tell them stories about their growing up. Help them remember their early-childhood interests. And show interest in learning about what they’re interested in exploring now.
Most often, we focus on our weaknesses. We don’t praise others’ strengths, often enough. Tell them about the advantages they might not see for themselves. Tell them about the beauty they possess inside.
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Be There to Support Them
Teenagers can be so busy with everything. School. Sports. Socializing. And then, there’s the countless number of hours they spend on social media.
Don’t let the busyness of their lives get in the way of the time they need to spend with you to learn about life.
Your teenage children may not think about needing you, but they do.
But chances are, they really don’t know what they’re doing. Ask them to show you their independence. Give them room to exercise their freedom. Observe them and ask questions about their decisions.
Then, when necessary to give some advice, do it calmly and lovingly. Let your teenager know you’re there for them, no matter what. Don’t refrain from sensitive subjects. I know, sensitive issues are not the most comfortable of topics. Be kind but direct.
High school can be a challenging environment for a teenager. Other students can be very mean. The arrogant and bully teenagers learn how to operate this world at an early age. They’re the ones who make life miserable for all the kind-hearted teenagers out there.
We also read a lot about the tragic stories going on in our schools because of bullying. Our teenagers must know they can come home and talk to us about what’s going on in school and in their lives.
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You CAN Help Your Teenager Fly!
Imagine how difficult it must be for a teenager to navigate the complex social environment these days.
Imagine your teenager coming home to tell you about their day, and open to get your advice because you’ve established a strong trust bond with them.
You’re their link to love, knowledge, security, and connection. Don’t assume they’ll learn it somehow, somewhere. Share your wisdom with your teenager and help them thrive into a mature adult.
They can learn valuable life-lessons safely while in your care the same way they learned how to walk.
Let them learn to fly while in your care too!
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